Having The Rug Pulled Out From Under Me

That's exactly how I feel right now.  A few months ago (Late December or early January, I can't remember which) The Man and I discovered that Bud, our 15 year old son was smoking marijuana.  After the standard "Where did we go wrong?" feelings we sat him down for a talk.  He promised he'd stop, and we let it go at that.  Some might say that we were naive for doing such a thing, but you have to understand, Bud has always been an honest kid.  Sometimes brutally so.  Looking back, I wonder if this is why we believed him, or if it was because of "Not MY kid" sydrome.  We really wanted to beleive him.  We thought he was a curious kid who experimented a bit.  Most of my formative years were during the Reagan administration, and I embraced Nancy Reagan's "Just Say NO!" campaign whole heartedly.  The Man, who is eight years older than me, had a MUCH different time as a teenager.  We are two parents who, as teenagers, had very different experiences.  The Man can talk to Bud about all of the negative effects of certain drugs first-hand.  I can just say "Don't do it.  It's bad.  It's illeagal"  (Not very effective, I know.)

Fast forward to April.  April 20th to be exact.  You know what April 20th is, right?  Or should I say, 4-20?  Apparently, in the pot-smoking community, 4:20 is the universal time to light up, so 4-20 is an entire day to light up.  With the help of an at home drug test (CVS for around $15), my suspicions were confirmed.  He had smoked in the last 30 days.  Anger, hurt, betrayel and more "Where did we go wrong?" feelings came flooding at me.  This time we stressed about the value of trust and how he broke it.  We also made it perfectly clear that if he was ever caught, he was on his own.  We would not bail him out, come to his rescue, or anything like that.  Once again, a promise of not doing it again.  This time, we only half believed him, and cautiously, slowly, returned some privelages we had revoked.

Yesterday, at 2:14, only 4 minutes after school had been dismissed, I got a call from one of the deans.  They had caught Bud buying and he was currently high.  That's when the rug was pulled out from under me, the wind knocked out of me, you could have knocked me over with a feather, and a bunch of other cliches.  After scrambling to find a place for ladybug to go after school, I headed to the high school located in the next town.  WHY?  Why would he do this?  How could he continue to lie to us?  (And of course) WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?  Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me.  We didn't go wrong anywhere.  We taught him about right and wrong.  We had told him that even if he didn't agree with the law, it was still the law and he had to obey it.  This was NOT my fault.  This was NOT my decision.  These were NOT my actions.  I am a good parent.  And so is The Man.  We have done our best, and made our fair share of mistakes.  But we are overall good parents.

And now, facing charges of possesion, he has the opportunity to basically be an "informant" to the local police.  Give them credible information about drug activity at the school, and they'll drop the charges.  The officer who was at the school when I got there basically said that they wanted to be able to curb some of the stuff going on.  Essentially, There's bigger fish to fry.  He told Bud to think about it.  He has plenty of time to think.  He's on a three day suspension.  Which means, because it's a holiday weekend, he doesn't go back to school until next Friday.  He turns 16 on Thursday.  I don't think it's going to be a very happy birthday for Bud this year.  I hope he remembers it.

The Monkees

Those of you who read this on a regular basis know that I'm a fan of the Beatles.  But did you know that I'm also a fan of the Monkees?  Oh, yeah.  Not as hard-core as the Beatles, but a fan, just the same.  My very first concert was the the Monkees on November 20, 1986 (with my sister L and best friend at the time, M) when they were doing the 20th reunion tour.  I was 14 years old.  (I'm 39 now, for those who are mathmatically inept.  I won't be 40 for a few months.)  I discovered the Monkees and the Beatles around the same time. And while I have always appreciated the Beatles, my preference for the Monkees has waxed and waned over the years.  Out of nowhere, this song came to me the other day and it has been stuck in my head ever since.

Which, I don't quite get.  It's not a better known song of theirs. (When most people think of the Monkees, they either think of the theme song, or "Daydream Believer".  I mean no disrespect to Davy Jones, or his family, but that song was overplayed when he passed away back in February.)  But there was something about this song that I've just always liked.  The tune, the melody, the vocals...I don't know.  I just like it. 

And, as with the Beatles a couple of months ago, this may be another obsession, so don't be surprised if I post more Monkees stuff.

Snd? Seriously?

I just noticed today that my header said "Noni's Hooks snd Needles".  Seriously?  How long has it been like that and I haven't even noticed?

Knitting Night

Wednesday nights used to be about having a few hours to myself.  That has gone by the wayside since Awana is over for the season, and the last time Ladybug went, Buddy and I had a huge blowup fight.  (And I mean HUGE.  The joys of parenthood.)  So I thought that knitting on Wednesdays was over.  Then, the library changed their hours and are only open until 8:00 on Wednesday nights now. (I live in a small town with a small budget.)  So knitting group has been moved to Wenesday nights.  Maybe tonight I can pick up my long neglected knitting and relax in the stitches.  I hope so.

Hectic Life

Yeah, I know.  It's been a while since I posted anything.  But life has gotten hectic.

We found out that our 15 year old son is making some destructive decisions with his life.  That in itself has overshadowed our lives for a few weeks.  I won't go into details, but we're wondering what the heck we should do about it.  We're completely new to this.  I was a fairly good teen, so this is all so foreign to me.

Also, Ladybug has been wanting a pet for ages.  I ruled out a dog from the get-go because I know I would be the one to take care of everything.  A cat is automatically ruled out, because the man is extremely allergic.  Hamsters and gerbils make me think of the mice that I set traps for, so they are out.  So we got a parakeet.  Parakeets aren't a lot of work, but more than I thought.  And no one else in the house is willing to change the newspaper in the cage, so that falls on me.

And as of right now, Ladybug is in her room having a fit because she won't do her homework.  It quickly escalated into a power struggle and I have just been called a horrible mother.  Cries of "I want Daddy" keep coming out of her room.

Work has gotten busier with springtime.  Business always picks up in the food industry in nicer weather.  But it makes it harder just to get a pee break some days.  Plus, there have been rumors recently that a certain Hollywood celebrity has been staying in the town in which I work.  Supposedly, he is at the local artist colony writing a movie.  For some reason, people expect us to know if there is any truth to the rumors.  Hmmm, lets think this through.  "Sightings" of him around a small (no, tiny) New Hampshire town, with no photographic proof?  I don't think so.

But, with all of that said, I wouldn't trade my life for anything.  No matter what, I love both of my kids very much.  I might not always like what they do, but I will never stop loving them.  The Man and I can get through this together if we just stand by each other and support one another.  Work is crazy, but for the first time in years, I can say that my coworkers are my friends and that I can count on them for helping me when I'm in need. 
Although hectic sometimes, I have a good life.  I just need to remind myself every once in a while.

I'm So Tired

Because I am...

And, of course, it's The Beatles.

Today, I'm just going to say that my thoughts and prayers go out to my friend C and her children A and E.  My heart is with you.